i love australia

update for those of you who don't already know this. Kevin Rudd is a big politician running for prime minister very soon in Australia. Opposition attempted a smear campaign by releasing details that basically said that 4 years ago, while on business in america, he went to the strippers.

the reaction has been hilarious. not only has he gone UP in popularity and on the official polls, but this last ordeal has now convinced the australian public that we can now count on him to become our new prime minister and is being referred to as that.

his reaction: 'well, they're not really my thing, but i went, and the next day i called my wife, she called me a goose, we both got over it. i've been a couple of other times too, when i was in uni. not my scene.' i guess the reason everyone is loving this explanation so much is it's just so truthful. i love that australians can see past it and be realistic that everyone makes mistakes.

anyway... i've been once to the strippers by accident. i went to a club in the city with my good friend C., and after a few dances we decided to go upstairs, thinking it was just another room in the club. we were both tired as it was a friday night, and it wasn't until we had walked into the room, taken off our coats, bought drinks and sat down that we noticed that the girls around us were wearing very little. And we were the only girls in the place, apart from the naked ones. Promptly a stripper came out on stage in a bubble bath. Yes, we had managed to walk into a strip club without even knowing it. we stayed for about 20 minutes, analysing the girls' perfect skin and smooth cellulite-free legs then left.

look at moiye kimmy

oh

my

god.

i nearly stuffed up soooo badly on friday. i wish i could replay the scene and do what i wanted to do and see how it would have turned out.

i was shopping in a 2 dollar shop for some wrapping paper for a present while i was on my lunch break. i was browsing through the aisle when i noticed two women next to me saying the following.

'i like what she's done with her living room / her living room? / yeah haven't you seen it? / oh yeah i have, it's nice / yeah it's nice / and it's unusual / yeah it's unusual / it's nice and it's unusual'

now repeat that all in kath and kim's voice, COS THAT'S HOW THEY WERE SAYING IT!!! i turned to them with a smile on my face, about to laugh and say 'i love kath and kim too' when i realised THAT WAS REALLY THE WAY THEY SPOKE! they weren't putting it on. i grabbed some horrible orange paper and ran to the next aisle, listening to them continue

'and did you see her vase? / oh her vase! / her vase, it's nice / yeah, it's unusual but it's nice (noiyce) / it goes in her living room / her living room is nice' etc.

imagine the looks on their faces if i hadn't realised!

note - if you've never watched kath and kim you can hear their unusual way of speaking here.

eyebrows

again, i was forced to go out because 'now that you and A. have broken up, you need to get out!' this was even enforced by my parents, shockingly. that's because they don't know how disgusting meatmarkets aka clubs are.

so i was at work all day friday complaining that i didn't want to go out, and i just wanted to stay at home and read. when i got home, before jumping in the shower, i inspected my eyebrows and realised they were in depserate need of waxing. out comes the wax pot, into the microwave.

25 seconds i don't want to go

20 seconds i like my cousin, D. (who was taking me out), but her friends...

15 seconds her friend L. shits me up the wall

10 seconds ugh, if L. comes tonight

5 seconds i'll scream

i did my eyebrows while thinking about D.'s friend L., who is the most socially retarded person i know. i smeared a little bit of wax under the arch of my left eyebrow as i remembered the time when L. nearly ran up the back of my car because she is such a ditz. when i placed the cotton over the wax i must have been really frustrated and pressing way too hard, because when i ripped it off i looked in the mirror...

'What the fuck?' i said to my reflection. i looked down at the cotton in my hand and there was half my eyebrow in the wax. thinking about L. made me press and smear the wax onto the rest of my eyebrow and i proceeded to wax it off. it was a great start to the night!

losing nearly an hour of my life

this guy from my work, B., had been bugging me for a week or so to attend one of these seminars. he was vague about it, but i didn't even bother asking him questions about it because up until last night i had always thought that he and i were very alike... very obviously not the case, or he's been brainwashed, one of the two.

so i agree to stay after work last night, along with my other sucker of a co-worker, S. just before we went into this 'meeting' one of our workers said 'uh, guys, you know what it is yeah? you're going into one of those join-and-make-money-or-die thingys'

shit.

pyramid whatever it's called. you know, those networking business ventures whereby you join and then if you manage to force another 50million people to also join you then make around thirty cents? man, did i get sucked in or what.

so S. and i went in to see this tiny geeky looking man in a crumpled suit, and he was already sweating profusely. he began his spiel, basically calling us losers because we make 'active income' (we go to work for our money) as opposed to making 'passive money' (sitting at home doing nothing while the money just floats on in)

sweaty man: so, S. B. Tell me. what do you both, personally, need in life to be successful?

i immediately thought 'happiness' but then thought 'nah, corny answer, let S. answer first'.

S.: happiness
B.: yeah me too, just happiness

WRONG ANSWER TO GIVE THE SWEATY MONEY HUNGRY MAN! his temple started visibly throbbing.

sweaty man: (he sounded like he was choking when he spoke) well, of course, and in order to acheive HAPPINESS you need MONEY!!! from a PASSIVE INCOME!!!

S. and I were looking at eachother like 'uh, wdf, no you don't...'

S. and i tried to explain that we liked working and we both actually dislike staying at home. sweaty man's eyes boggled at this, his face turning purple from complete and total non-comprehension.

sweaty man: so, what do you think, will you join in this fantastic entrepenuer voyage to money making bliss?

all i wanted to do was book this guy in for intense sessions with the counsellors at work.

needless to say we didn't join.