i love australia

update for those of you who don't already know this. Kevin Rudd is a big politician running for prime minister very soon in Australia. Opposition attempted a smear campaign by releasing details that basically said that 4 years ago, while on business in america, he went to the strippers.

the reaction has been hilarious. not only has he gone UP in popularity and on the official polls, but this last ordeal has now convinced the australian public that we can now count on him to become our new prime minister and is being referred to as that.

his reaction: 'well, they're not really my thing, but i went, and the next day i called my wife, she called me a goose, we both got over it. i've been a couple of other times too, when i was in uni. not my scene.' i guess the reason everyone is loving this explanation so much is it's just so truthful. i love that australians can see past it and be realistic that everyone makes mistakes.

anyway... i've been once to the strippers by accident. i went to a club in the city with my good friend C., and after a few dances we decided to go upstairs, thinking it was just another room in the club. we were both tired as it was a friday night, and it wasn't until we had walked into the room, taken off our coats, bought drinks and sat down that we noticed that the girls around us were wearing very little. And we were the only girls in the place, apart from the naked ones. Promptly a stripper came out on stage in a bubble bath. Yes, we had managed to walk into a strip club without even knowing it. we stayed for about 20 minutes, analysing the girls' perfect skin and smooth cellulite-free legs then left.

coneheads

two thing to know about me:

1- i am a complete and total doofus.
2- i rarely take tablets. i will take vitamins no problem, but if i have a headache i won't even take a panadol, i'll just go home, lie down, and drink water. the only time i've taken medication is when i feel REALLY bad, like when i didn't sleep for 3 nights or i was in emergency.

ok, i went past my best friend's, L.'s, dance studio to pick up my sister from classes. i saw S., the girl who now has my old job at reception there, and told her i wanted to buy one of their new jumpers to wear to work with the kids. They're baggy hoodies.

S: uh, Bee, we've only got adult's extra extra large or kid's sizes.
B: i'll try the adult's... (way too big... took it off...) uh, can i try on the biggest kid's size?
S: yeeeaaaaah... but they're really small...
B: it'll be ok. here, pass it over.
S: okaaaaay
I put it on fine. it was just a bit tight under the arms.
B: nah, too tight, i'll wait till you guys get another load in... S.! I'm stuck! S.! i'm really frekin stuck!

i had my torso out but my giant head was stuck, and i mean STUCK, in the hoodie neckhole. i could hear S. pissing herself laughing, as well as my sister and the rest of her dance group. So S. grabbed the end of the jumper and started pulling with all her might... i mean, whatever, who cares if my ears come off in the process!? i was screaming in pain and fear cos i could tell that it was getting very close to the point where S. was going to have to cut it off, and i was afraid that if she came near me with scissors laughing this much i might lose an eye. i was picturing myself with no ears like the weasley twin and one eye like mad eye, but no cool one to replace it. finally S. worked out that by sticking her thick nails between my face and the hoodie (much pain!) she could slowly edge it off.

S: Bee, you're such a crack up, every time you come here you provide me with entertainment!
B: yeah...thanks... (trying to squash my head back to normal size)

i got home and my ears are so red and i feel so like a conehead i took 2 panadols.

see?
i am a doofus.

i am dangerous

i was reading Leilouta's blog about how she once injured her husband by poking him in the eye by accident and i thought 'wow, at least i only injure myself, i've never done that to anyone else... oh shit hang on a second, yes i have'

i was at williamstown beach with my sister C. and her best friend J. For those of you who have never been to willy beach the sand is very fine and dark and very much like mud when wet. the three of us were in the water up to our knees picking up the sludgey sand and throwing it at eachother. we kept missing but it was great fun. until... i threw it towards C. while her back was turned and at the last second she spun around and received a handful of sand in her open eye.

she started SCREAMING. Everyone was staring. i had to drag her back to our towels and pour water directly into her eye. there was so much in it i couldn't see any of her eyeball. i was petrified that i had blinded her. to top it off our next door neighbour from home suddenly appeared right next to us and was staring at C. screaming. i knew she was thinking 'what a horrible sister'