arranged marriages... again

i have been watching my parent's reaction to A. and me breaking up. they've changed their game plan every week. so far this is what has unfurled:

week 1- absolute complete and total silence. they didn't ask me to clean my room, wash dishes, do a few loads in the laundry, nothing at all. it wasn't even like i couldn't have done those things, they were literally running around in circles doing everything before i got a chance to.

week 2- pretty much the same as week 1 but i just began to ignore them and did the normal cleaning i do at home. i don't really get how not making me clean was going to make me feel better, anyway.

week 3- dad booked me in for a whole day of weeding the garden. i'm serious. after around 4 hours of weeding he came up and informed me that 'weeding is very therapuetic you know.' aha, so now they're making their own therapies for me. it didn't matter though, i spent the whole time thinking about how much A. would have loved to be weeding the garden, in some old clothes and getting all dirty in the sunshine with our duck walking around.

week 3 1/2- mum and dad come home to find me drinking a beer with dinner. ONE BEER. i haven't had any sort of alcohol in i don't even know how long, cos i'm always dancing or working with kids. mum and dad began to question me about the boys i was going to the snow with, along with the comment 'you always drink when you're down.' insane. i drink around 8 standard drink per annum. spent the weekend away thinking how much A. would have loved snowboarding, not drinking and sleeping with guys who until very recently i thought were gay.

week 4- my family... lunch time... eating happily... suddenly dad explains that he's found me a husband, he's known him for a long time, and it's ok because he knows the family too and they're ok. mum turns to him and exclaims 'don't say that to Bee... (i'm thinking whew, he's only joking)... because now she's going to get stressed out when he comes to dinner.' what the hell... instant visions of my big fat greek wedding and disgusting men coming to the house. left the table before i could hear any more, so i'm not really certain if it's true or they were just joking. well, actually i left the table right after yelling that i will never marry an italian man because all italians are sleaze buckets and cheat on their wives. my parents think this is ridiculous because they have never cheated on one another. they're like the only ones.

anyway... bit scared as to what week 5 will bring... i'm trying to go out dancing as much as possible so therefore i won't be able to make the dinners with cheating italian men.

the pic above is the kind of northern italian guy our parents are expecting us to marry. the pic below shows what we are picturing...

eyebrows

again, i was forced to go out because 'now that you and A. have broken up, you need to get out!' this was even enforced by my parents, shockingly. that's because they don't know how disgusting meatmarkets aka clubs are.

so i was at work all day friday complaining that i didn't want to go out, and i just wanted to stay at home and read. when i got home, before jumping in the shower, i inspected my eyebrows and realised they were in depserate need of waxing. out comes the wax pot, into the microwave.

25 seconds i don't want to go

20 seconds i like my cousin, D. (who was taking me out), but her friends...

15 seconds her friend L. shits me up the wall

10 seconds ugh, if L. comes tonight

5 seconds i'll scream

i did my eyebrows while thinking about D.'s friend L., who is the most socially retarded person i know. i smeared a little bit of wax under the arch of my left eyebrow as i remembered the time when L. nearly ran up the back of my car because she is such a ditz. when i placed the cotton over the wax i must have been really frustrated and pressing way too hard, because when i ripped it off i looked in the mirror...

'What the fuck?' i said to my reflection. i looked down at the cotton in my hand and there was half my eyebrow in the wax. thinking about L. made me press and smear the wax onto the rest of my eyebrow and i proceeded to wax it off. it was a great start to the night!

clubbing...ugh

'come out bee! night out with the girls! come on!!! you know you should, it'll get your mind off things...'

the night that ensued...

i got ready and went to my best friends, L.'s house. the other two girls arrived at 11pm, M. and T., and we all began drinking jim bean. ugh. we smelt like boys.

T. was our designated driver, so off we went just before midnight to find icon bar. we drove through the city for an hour before finding a park. it was so tight it became one of those austin power moments going back and forth a million times. by this time M. was so busting to go to the toilet that we had to walk into a deserted alley and surround her while she dropped her pants and peed on the ground. i know this sounds so feral, but this is what happens if you drink and you're stuck in a car for an hour. anyway...

went to icon. from outside we could hear madonna's 'like a prayer'. it really put us off. M. started saying that she would just go in, make a 3 minute appearance to her cheerleading group that were there, then run out and we could head off somewhere else. the security guard overheard us and just let us in for free, but even for free i didn't really want to go in.

went in. SO not impressed with the quality of the people, or the dancing for that matter. wierd girls and boys doing wierd moves and ugh. went upstairs, took off my coat, sat on it neatly, and began counting out 25 minutes which was the absolute maximum i was going to stay in that hell hole. girl to the left of me was drunk beyond belief and doing some disgusting body rolls and her friends were laughing like hyenas. everywhere i looked the scene was ugly.

guys kept coming up to us, asking us to dance. we all declined them again and again. finally, out of politeness, we went downstairs to dance with the cheerleaders. i put my jacket on and buttoned it up. i shoved my hands in my pockets and barely swayed, the music was atrocious, but i could tell that people there were too drunk or high to even notice. this random guy from across the circle kept trying to make eye contact. i ignored him. he slowly edged his way around the circle. ignored him. he began dancing behind me, then began grabbing my arm to try to drag me out. i turned around and said 'no'. i just kept on grabbing my arm again and again, more agressively and it began to hurt. 'no! i don't want to dance!' L. then noticed and sort of blocked him after turning around and saying something.

i felt like i must be doing something wrong. i don't get how to not get guy's attention. i was covered from head to toe, the only part that was showing was half my face cos the other half was covered in hair. there are a million drunk skanky half naked girls around me, pick them up.

M. then grabbed her bag, and discreetly walked past us all whispering 'LEAVE NOW! DON'T LOOK BACK!' which we did. outside, finally. we did another austin powers move to get the car out of the spot, and started heading towards copa. thank god. latin. normal music and lovely dancing.

turing into smith from victoria, giving way to three pedestrians, drunk boys around our age. upon seeing that we were all girls in the car two of them proceeded to drop their pants, and rub their bare butts against the car door and one of them on M.'s window. she was screaming her head off, and we couldn't drive or go anywhere cos one was on the bonnet. i closed my eyes so tight, and to tell the truth, blamed A. for our breakup because i certainly wouldn't be in that predicament if we were together, which of course i know now is a ridiculous thing to think.

at copa, the girls were impressed with the band and the singer's dancing. M. of course, as is customary for her, began fluttering her eyes at the gay one. she is always in denial when we point out to her that the guys she likes are gay. we began dancing on the elevated stage, and after 2 minutes there were two guys trying to sandwich me. we moved. they followed. we moved again. we must have moved 6 times before they got the hint. again, i'm not doing anything different from the rest of the girls, so why? really i don't get it. and i certainly didn't look good, considering i had put my makeup on at 8pm and it was now 3am.

then this guy and girl dancing next to us got dirty. people are SO FERAL AND HAVE NO SHAME. he was sort of dirty dancing with her then he grabbed her head and pushed her face down to his crotch where she began to pretend to give him a head job. we didn't even hide our disgust,we just all walked off.

we grabbed some drinks (now we were all on water after our discussion in the car that drunk people are so disgusting, even though all we do when were drunk is laugh, not give head jobs) i taugh M. some salsa off the stage. we went next door for some kebabs. then we went home and all slept over L.'s house.

the only highlight of the night was when we got home and realised that we didn't stink of cigarette smoke because of the new no smoking laws. that was a nice change.

what a night.

valley of the dolls

jacqueline susann wrote 'valley of the dolls' in 1966, and in it she mentioned a then-current 'sleep cure'. i have no idea if it was a real medical practice back then in the 60's. it was told that it was predominantly used for mental trauma patients who had suffered some loss or grief. the example she gave was of a mother who suddenly and unexpectantly lost her teenage daughter. the pain is unimaginable so she has the sleep cure, which is a medically induced sleep for a few weeks. when she awakens the pain is there but nowhere near as bad as it would have been at the beginning, and she sleeps through the most difficult part.

i really wish i could do that right now. telling yourself 'you'll eventaully get over this' and actually believing it when you feel so hopeless is impossible. A. is the only reason i'm doing this, because i think our break up will benefit him, but it certainly will not me.

how embarrassing

i was walking down mt alexander road to meet my friend C. to have lunch with her and these two workmen beeped at me.

well, i was pretty happy, because that hasn't happened since high school. we used to walk in a group down sunshine ave and count the number of beeps we would get. i guess that doesn't happen anymore because i drive everywhere now.

anyway, so i'm there with a goofy smile on my face thinking 'i am so cool'... then i tripped over NOTHING and nearly fell on my chin.

when i told A. this he didn't even hardly respond. He is so used to it. i even had a dream last night that i was looking down at my legs and they were covered in little bruises from falling over.

maybe i have a middle ear infection ... one that has lasted the last 23 years hehe

Alexi... my pet BOY duck!!!

Alexi laid 11 eggs. He's such a good boy. Don't bother trying to tell me he's a girl, it just refuses to compute in my brain so I've given up. He's simply a boy duck that happens to lay eggs.

A. found the 'stash' of eggs around the side of his house. Upon realising that Alexi will save him going to the shops every week to buy eggs, he's decided to keep him and not send him to a farm. That's nice, cos i really do like Alexi when he's not posessed by the devil and quacking at ghosts like a loony.

Maybe he's not loony... maybe he's been smoking the shisha that A. leaves outside?!