coneheads

two thing to know about me:

1- i am a complete and total doofus.
2- i rarely take tablets. i will take vitamins no problem, but if i have a headache i won't even take a panadol, i'll just go home, lie down, and drink water. the only time i've taken medication is when i feel REALLY bad, like when i didn't sleep for 3 nights or i was in emergency.

ok, i went past my best friend's, L.'s, dance studio to pick up my sister from classes. i saw S., the girl who now has my old job at reception there, and told her i wanted to buy one of their new jumpers to wear to work with the kids. They're baggy hoodies.

S: uh, Bee, we've only got adult's extra extra large or kid's sizes.
B: i'll try the adult's... (way too big... took it off...) uh, can i try on the biggest kid's size?
S: yeeeaaaaah... but they're really small...
B: it'll be ok. here, pass it over.
S: okaaaaay
I put it on fine. it was just a bit tight under the arms.
B: nah, too tight, i'll wait till you guys get another load in... S.! I'm stuck! S.! i'm really frekin stuck!

i had my torso out but my giant head was stuck, and i mean STUCK, in the hoodie neckhole. i could hear S. pissing herself laughing, as well as my sister and the rest of her dance group. So S. grabbed the end of the jumper and started pulling with all her might... i mean, whatever, who cares if my ears come off in the process!? i was screaming in pain and fear cos i could tell that it was getting very close to the point where S. was going to have to cut it off, and i was afraid that if she came near me with scissors laughing this much i might lose an eye. i was picturing myself with no ears like the weasley twin and one eye like mad eye, but no cool one to replace it. finally S. worked out that by sticking her thick nails between my face and the hoodie (much pain!) she could slowly edge it off.

S: Bee, you're such a crack up, every time you come here you provide me with entertainment!
B: yeah...thanks... (trying to squash my head back to normal size)

i got home and my ears are so red and i feel so like a conehead i took 2 panadols.

see?
i am a doofus.

clubbing...ugh

'come out bee! night out with the girls! come on!!! you know you should, it'll get your mind off things...'

the night that ensued...

i got ready and went to my best friends, L.'s house. the other two girls arrived at 11pm, M. and T., and we all began drinking jim bean. ugh. we smelt like boys.

T. was our designated driver, so off we went just before midnight to find icon bar. we drove through the city for an hour before finding a park. it was so tight it became one of those austin power moments going back and forth a million times. by this time M. was so busting to go to the toilet that we had to walk into a deserted alley and surround her while she dropped her pants and peed on the ground. i know this sounds so feral, but this is what happens if you drink and you're stuck in a car for an hour. anyway...

went to icon. from outside we could hear madonna's 'like a prayer'. it really put us off. M. started saying that she would just go in, make a 3 minute appearance to her cheerleading group that were there, then run out and we could head off somewhere else. the security guard overheard us and just let us in for free, but even for free i didn't really want to go in.

went in. SO not impressed with the quality of the people, or the dancing for that matter. wierd girls and boys doing wierd moves and ugh. went upstairs, took off my coat, sat on it neatly, and began counting out 25 minutes which was the absolute maximum i was going to stay in that hell hole. girl to the left of me was drunk beyond belief and doing some disgusting body rolls and her friends were laughing like hyenas. everywhere i looked the scene was ugly.

guys kept coming up to us, asking us to dance. we all declined them again and again. finally, out of politeness, we went downstairs to dance with the cheerleaders. i put my jacket on and buttoned it up. i shoved my hands in my pockets and barely swayed, the music was atrocious, but i could tell that people there were too drunk or high to even notice. this random guy from across the circle kept trying to make eye contact. i ignored him. he slowly edged his way around the circle. ignored him. he began dancing behind me, then began grabbing my arm to try to drag me out. i turned around and said 'no'. i just kept on grabbing my arm again and again, more agressively and it began to hurt. 'no! i don't want to dance!' L. then noticed and sort of blocked him after turning around and saying something.

i felt like i must be doing something wrong. i don't get how to not get guy's attention. i was covered from head to toe, the only part that was showing was half my face cos the other half was covered in hair. there are a million drunk skanky half naked girls around me, pick them up.

M. then grabbed her bag, and discreetly walked past us all whispering 'LEAVE NOW! DON'T LOOK BACK!' which we did. outside, finally. we did another austin powers move to get the car out of the spot, and started heading towards copa. thank god. latin. normal music and lovely dancing.

turing into smith from victoria, giving way to three pedestrians, drunk boys around our age. upon seeing that we were all girls in the car two of them proceeded to drop their pants, and rub their bare butts against the car door and one of them on M.'s window. she was screaming her head off, and we couldn't drive or go anywhere cos one was on the bonnet. i closed my eyes so tight, and to tell the truth, blamed A. for our breakup because i certainly wouldn't be in that predicament if we were together, which of course i know now is a ridiculous thing to think.

at copa, the girls were impressed with the band and the singer's dancing. M. of course, as is customary for her, began fluttering her eyes at the gay one. she is always in denial when we point out to her that the guys she likes are gay. we began dancing on the elevated stage, and after 2 minutes there were two guys trying to sandwich me. we moved. they followed. we moved again. we must have moved 6 times before they got the hint. again, i'm not doing anything different from the rest of the girls, so why? really i don't get it. and i certainly didn't look good, considering i had put my makeup on at 8pm and it was now 3am.

then this guy and girl dancing next to us got dirty. people are SO FERAL AND HAVE NO SHAME. he was sort of dirty dancing with her then he grabbed her head and pushed her face down to his crotch where she began to pretend to give him a head job. we didn't even hide our disgust,we just all walked off.

we grabbed some drinks (now we were all on water after our discussion in the car that drunk people are so disgusting, even though all we do when were drunk is laugh, not give head jobs) i taugh M. some salsa off the stage. we went next door for some kebabs. then we went home and all slept over L.'s house.

the only highlight of the night was when we got home and realised that we didn't stink of cigarette smoke because of the new no smoking laws. that was a nice change.

what a night.