i am a loser

so i went to the spot and was dancing with my friend S. and i was looking around to check out who i knew cos it was latin night. S. even said to me 'stop looking around, you'll attract guys'. should have listened to her...

so i kept on looking around and suddenly A. was standing behind S. and looking at me. well for some unknown reason i freaked. i looked at him, did not hide my shocked expression AT ALL, looked down and stood still while contemplating my next move (i am such an idiot)

this is what was going through my head ...




nothing. well apart from 'think of what to do!' repeating, there were actually no thoughts of what to do. after a few seconds i decided the best thing would be to smile, but i should have planned it a bit more carefully cos i looked up and gave him this manic just-got-out-of-the-psych-ward smile and then looked away. then i was even more upset with myself than before. i decided to give up so i said to S. 'hey, A. i here.' 'do you want to leave?' 'i want to go out for a smoke'

so we started walking to the exit and we stood in the entrance and i started explaining to her my scary smile etc then i stopped abruptly because he was standing behind her AGAIN. He asked if it was ok to come out for a smoke with us.

the conversation that ensued was the most ridiculously stilted convo i've ever had in my life, the whole time i was unable to comprehend A.'s questions because i was yelling at myself in my head 'BE NORMAL YOU MORON!'

Ugh, i am a loser. I don't understand why i reacted that way. i so have to leave the country to get away from my idiocy.