unbalanced

if someone asks me something i tell them.

if the conversation is going towards something i have a thought on, i say it.

if someone asks for my opinion, well i'll crap on till the cows come home.

i've always been one for talking/crying/laughing/arguing through problems - never one to sit and stew. and for this reason, i think, people understand me pretty well. but too well perhaps.

everyone knows everything about me, like as in EVERYTHING. and the problem is not that i don't want people knowing everything, i obviously do cos the words are coming out of my mouth... but i can't help but become furious when others don't reciprocate. and i know i'm in the wrong - i'm fully aware that, and i hate that i get angry, but i do. when i found out that one of my friends was getting married and i found out about a week later i was astounded. Not that she hadn't told me - but that she could keep it in.

what am i looking for? friends who will shutup and listen to me 24/7 but somehow i also want them to tell me as much as i tell them - when would this opportunity come up with me talking all the time? i always get off 1 hour telephone calls and realise that i've spoken for 90% of them. that's just plain rude, but i can't stop.

i started writing this blog so i would talk LESS. i don't really tell any of my friends about this blog or the boys one (partly cos i bitch about some of them in it). so i end up writing on here and then seeing them and repeating most of my stories anyway.

ok - my best friend - she's a listener BUT when she has something important to say she'll scream over me 'Bee Bee Bee hang on shhhhh i gotta tell you first...' and that's awesome! i need to be told to shutup.

my workplace - we all fight for the spotlight and i love it. When my sister came into work with me recently she came to the conclusion 'Bee, everyone at your work is like you!' they're almost all extroverted and easily excitable to say the least.

i need people to talk over me. I need my friends to remind me to breathe during a story. i need my friends to put things into perspective for me. and i need friends to tell me to shutup and be forceful about it when they want to talk, because i'm 24 years old and i try really hard and i still talk over everyone.

my sister is exactly the same. there's no hope for her.

all that said and done i am fully capable of keeping secrets. all the stuff i blab about is my gossip, not even gossip about me and other people. so at least i have one filter of sorts.